wannabe

well we have the internet now and my head is spinning again. so it works out perfect... i can once again write profound or non-sensical things. i can write about how for the first time in a long time i feel really content, but for some reason i feel guilty about it. my identity for so long has been fueled by a drive towards change and now i don't want to change. i just wanna be. and i want to be okay with that. will i ever be okay with that?

what? it's only been 4 months!

chris spilled a beer on our computer.
we moved to a new home that we love.
we got a cat.
it's snowing today.
we want to go back to the grand canyon in the spring...or maybe bali.

mound of emotions

it's weird to be packing my stuff. the stuff that's been here in this place for three years. the longest my stuff has stayed in one place since childhood. it's weird to hold in my hands all these things that i've acquired. flashes of the last three years good and bad, they're all here again, being brought back to the surface. this is why i think change is so important. challenge yourself. step away from your norm. there is so much we hide from ourselves. without change we just keep piling things up...we don't even realize the mound of emotions we're riding on top of. i feel all stirred up inside. there is no other way to describe it. it's like the pit in my stomach, that i didn't even realize was there, is movin' around and workin' it's way out. it'll all work out.

changes (ch ch ch changes)

some things are brewing.
changing.
morphing.
it's exciting. i've always thrived on change.
but i haven't experienced much change lately.
and as this opportunity presented itself...i almost shyed away.
instead i will embrace it, and see exactly how much this change will really change me.

this weekend...

i can't wait to spend several days and nights overlooking lake superior, drinking whiskey, and spending time with some of the most incredible people i know.

the whisper

the music speaks to me and the wind is whispering in my ears and people i didn't expect poke their heads in on my life, and i like it, i like when it all feels in sync like this. and i realized again something i already knew, but i guess what i realized i'm not ready to share...maybe because it's so new i can't quite put it into words. it's still there on the edge. marinating. still forming. an unborn fetus. how can tonight feel different from the last? it's the same scenario, almost exactly. except my mind. my attitude. change your mind.

cold and grey again

i wonder...if it were sunny would i be sitting in a recliner watching the view?