shades of grey

i'm about to head out for a walk in the rain. ruby needs the exercise, and i think it just may be the appropriate ending to this day...this gloomy day. it was one of those days where it's not just cloudy...it's moody...the sky showed me more shades of grey than i knew existed. amongst one shade of grey or another, my mood changed, i felt it, something changed. was it chris? is he safe? my parents? a tornado that touched down by their home...what is it? what could it be? this is more than feeling down on a grey day, this is more. it was my aunt. she died this morning at the age of 62...2 weeks ago she was diagnosed with Jakobs disease, a degenerative neurological disorder, we were told it would ultimately be fatal, but two weeks? i still feel numb, i haven't processed this yet, i haven't experienced a death in my circle for quite some time, i'm not sure what the next step is. this rain i'm about to walk in will hopefully open my senses and let me feel this and deal with this.